Monday
Jul262010
Confessions From the Past 9 Months
Monday, July 26, 2010 at 2:20PM
I have received a couple of emails asking questions about Bipolar and PPD and why I was diagnosed with one and not the other. Also, questions on what happened to get me where I am and what medications I am on and have taken in the past.
After a lot of consideration I decided it would be helpful for me not just to answer very valid questions and help others try to understand but also because it would be very helpful for myself. I have never talked with much detail about everything, not to my friends, not to my family, and just a fraction to my therapist. My husband knows everything from an outsider's perspective but I have never talked about this in great length with him nor shared my most intimate thoughts and feelings I had during this time.
So why put it all out here where it's public? Why not just talk to my husband? For me there is something therapeutic about writing. I feel like I can balance my thoughts and emotions better than I can when I speak. If I hate something I've written I can delete it. It's harder to do that in real life.
Secondly, I have reached a level of acceptance with having a mental illness. I feel like part of my acceptance is the need to share my story. Not for an attention whore-ish factor, but because I am finally ready. I have had these thoughts and emotions bundled up inside for close to a year and it's time to let it out. I've wanted to tell everyone for so long, but spent my time so worried that everyone would reject me for having these issues. But I've met some truly inspiring people over this year. People who have overcome so much and those who are still struggling but refuse to give up.
Thirdly, it's hard not being understood. I try to tell people what happened- that very severe depression put me in the hospital (leaving out all the specifics) and people will say "Oh, I know so and so, I'm pretty sure she had postpartum depression too. I do not want to diminish PPD, it is shit and it is hard and some of my best friends have experienced it. But this is a little different from typical PPD and it's hard for people to understand. They think depression is depression is depression. Your sad, you cry and eventually you get better. Sure, maybe it's that way for some people. But not those that I have known. So I want to take this time to really explain the difference between PPD, Major Depressive Disorder and the depression that comes with Bipolar Disorder and talk about all the scary, scary things that can happen when it goes untreated too long.
Last but not least, I've met many Bipolar and mental health bloggers who have had the courage to put it all out there with a picture of their face and their full real name right there. These people are my heros. They get to write their feelings and emotions however difficult it is and they are okay with it. They are probably better people for their blogs and the support of the people who read them have been amazing. Just truly inspiring. Check out my blog roll for some of their blogs-you will love them.
Well, this is already really long and my night-time meds are kicking in so not to be a tease, but I am going to finish this up tomorrow.
Adieu
After a lot of consideration I decided it would be helpful for me not just to answer very valid questions and help others try to understand but also because it would be very helpful for myself. I have never talked with much detail about everything, not to my friends, not to my family, and just a fraction to my therapist. My husband knows everything from an outsider's perspective but I have never talked about this in great length with him nor shared my most intimate thoughts and feelings I had during this time.
So why put it all out here where it's public? Why not just talk to my husband? For me there is something therapeutic about writing. I feel like I can balance my thoughts and emotions better than I can when I speak. If I hate something I've written I can delete it. It's harder to do that in real life.
Secondly, I have reached a level of acceptance with having a mental illness. I feel like part of my acceptance is the need to share my story. Not for an attention whore-ish factor, but because I am finally ready. I have had these thoughts and emotions bundled up inside for close to a year and it's time to let it out. I've wanted to tell everyone for so long, but spent my time so worried that everyone would reject me for having these issues. But I've met some truly inspiring people over this year. People who have overcome so much and those who are still struggling but refuse to give up.
Thirdly, it's hard not being understood. I try to tell people what happened- that very severe depression put me in the hospital (leaving out all the specifics) and people will say "Oh, I know so and so, I'm pretty sure she had postpartum depression too. I do not want to diminish PPD, it is shit and it is hard and some of my best friends have experienced it. But this is a little different from typical PPD and it's hard for people to understand. They think depression is depression is depression. Your sad, you cry and eventually you get better. Sure, maybe it's that way for some people. But not those that I have known. So I want to take this time to really explain the difference between PPD, Major Depressive Disorder and the depression that comes with Bipolar Disorder and talk about all the scary, scary things that can happen when it goes untreated too long.
Last but not least, I've met many Bipolar and mental health bloggers who have had the courage to put it all out there with a picture of their face and their full real name right there. These people are my heros. They get to write their feelings and emotions however difficult it is and they are okay with it. They are probably better people for their blogs and the support of the people who read them have been amazing. Just truly inspiring. Check out my blog roll for some of their blogs-you will love them.
Well, this is already really long and my night-time meds are kicking in so not to be a tease, but I am going to finish this up tomorrow.
Adieu
Reader Comments (4)
You are so brave for writing about this. *hugs*
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Confession is good for the soul. And it can be helpful for others to read. Thanks for sharing.
[...] It’s not me, it’s you finds writing therapeutic in “Confessions From the Past 9 Months“. [...]